In a week I leave the state of Maryland. I take my daughter to California and leave her there to start her adventure. I leave my son in Philadelphia. I leave my dogs with our trusted caretaker. I leave my things, my sacred items to someone else to safeguard. I leave my comfort zone.
I’m out of sorts about all of this. In theory and six months ago, I was fine with it all. Now, I’m hyperventillating. I haven’t thought about the moment when my children were grown. I didn’t prepare myself for the inevitable time when they’d fly the coop. Yes, I understood this would happen but in my mind, it was a long way off. I didn’t prepare myself for leaving the country and leaving them with miles between us. I’m teary-eyed about it all.
My emotions are all over the place. I like to blame it on the vaccinations. The typhoid fever shot hurt like hell and still hurts. I’m placing blame for everything on the typhoid fever vaccination. I understand the malaria pills that we have to take will cause wild dreams and suicidal thoughts. Nice. Can’t wait. Like I need anything else to push me over the edge.
ANYhoo. Graduation is over, it went well. The aunties were here and we loved having them here. Aunty Michelle is, as ever, a loving wonderful woman. Aunty Stacy has a mind like a steel trap, she forgets nothing and therefore, the kids know more about me than I care to share. Together they brought the traditions we experienced when the three of us graduated high school thirty years ago. Aunty Michelle brought the leis, Aunty Stacy, the pink champagne…it was an awesome night filled with laughter, love, and fireworks. Literally, there were fireworks after the last graduate when she, which happened to be Miss J, received her diploma. Unbelievably spectacular!
I’m trying to wrap my mind around the fact that the children are going their own way. For me it has always been the kiddos first so now, I’m not sure where I am, what I’ll do. I’ll be flitting between South America and the US. I’ll be worried and wanting to make things right for Smither and Jill and I’ll have to realize they need to take care of things for themselves and it will be hard for me. Really hard. The nest is empty and that’s a hard concept for me to grasp, control freak that I am.
Until the final day I’m running around tagging things for the movers, making decisions about what’s to go, what’s to store, things I can part with forEVER…..which, for a pack-rat such as myself, is incredibly hard. I’ll keep in touch. I don’t lose Comcast for a bit…and then I’ll Twitter while on the road. So my keikei…
..until the next time when I’m hooked up to wireless or some such thing…. be good, be brave. Love to all.
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