It’s Been One Of Those Days

Weeks, Months….of living this existance in limbo.  Today I’m feeling it.  Not quite sane, I’m living inside my head and living all the “what ifs” that float in and out of my conscious thought…

I started this post pouring out all my frustrations about the current affairs of my life, got it all out and then deleted it.  I do feel better writing it all down and I do wish that people could read it but that wouldn’t bode well for S out there in his beloved South American country.  Anyway.

I sit here in my father’s guest room staring at a painting of my mother, two brothers and myself circa 1965.  I wish my father would take it down actually.  It’s hard to look at it. My mother is too beautiful, young and very much alive in this painting.  It’s so much a reminder that she died entirely too young.  It isn’t helping my mood right now.

Tomorrow I am attending a memorial service for a friend who also died too young.  It doesn’t help that he was a pallbearer at my mother’s funeral thereby invoking another painful memory.  He was a beautiful man, a truly beautiful man and I’m incredibly sad that he’s gone. His passing closes another door in the early chapters of my life.  It was over twenty years ago when I first met him along with his wonderful wife Chris.  They were among the first people to welcome S and me to the mainland and it meant a lot to us to be included in this Bainbridge Island family.  He taught me how to golf! I golfed badly but he managed to get me to pick up a club even though I thought then and still do now, that the sport is atrocious.  S should be so lucky in persuading me to do something I don’t want to do.  Junkoh had a gift.

All this melancholy coupled with the rain is too much. Puh. I shall stop now.

THIS, my friends, is what happens when you don’t have sex for six months.  Ahem.

Love to all.  Be good, be brave.

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