In A Week

In a week I leave the state of Maryland. I take my daughter to California and leave her there to start her adventure. I leave my son in Philadelphia.  I leave my dogs with our trusted caretaker. I leave my things, my sacred items to someone else to safeguard. I leave my comfort zone.

I’m out of sorts about all of this.  In theory and six months ago, I was fine with it all. Now, I’m hyperventillating.  I haven’t thought about the moment when my children were grown.  I didn’t prepare myself for the inevitable time when they’d fly the coop.  Yes, I understood this would happen but in my mind, it was a long way off.  I didn’t prepare myself for leaving the country and leaving them with miles between us.  I’m teary-eyed about it all.

My emotions are all over the place.  I like to blame it on the vaccinations.  The typhoid fever shot hurt like hell and still hurts.  I’m placing blame for everything on the typhoid fever vaccination.  I understand the malaria pills that we have to take will cause wild dreams and suicidal thoughts.  Nice.  Can’t wait.  Like I need anything else to push me over the edge. 

ANYhoo.  Graduation is over, it went well.  The aunties were here and we loved having them here. Aunty Michelle is, as ever, a loving wonderful woman.  Aunty Stacy has a mind like a steel trap, she forgets nothing and therefore, the kids know more about me than I care to share.  Together they brought the traditions we experienced when the three of us graduated  high school thirty years ago.  Aunty Michelle brought the leis, Aunty Stacy, the pink champagne…it was an awesome night filled with laughter, love, and fireworks.  Literally, there were fireworks after the last graduate when she, which happened to be Miss J, received her diploma.  Unbelievably spectacular!

I’m trying to wrap my mind around the fact that the children are going their own way.   For me it has always been the kiddos first so now, I’m not sure where I am, what I’ll do. I’ll be flitting  between South America and the US.  I’ll be worried and wanting to make things right for Smither and Jill and I’ll have to realize they need to take care of things for themselves and it will be hard for me. Really hard.  The nest is empty and that’s a hard concept for me to grasp, control freak that I am. 

Until the final day I’m running around tagging things for the movers, making decisions about what’s to go, what’s to store, things I can part with forEVER…..which, for a pack-rat such as myself, is incredibly hard. I’ll keep in touch.  I don’t lose Comcast for a bit…and then I’ll Twitter while on the road. So my keikei…

  ..until the next time when I’m hooked up to wireless or some such thing…. be good, be brave.  Love to all.

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4 Responses

  1. good luck with the empty nest, although it sounds like you won’t be IN your nest much at all for a while! my girls left for california on tuesday to spend 5 weeks with dad, and qiana, it seems, may not be coming home. seems that dad has won her over, and she likes him better. ah… childhood.

  2. my sweet sari. qiana doesn’t like her dad more than she likes you. child rearing is a rollercoaster ride. always. parenting is never what we expect. perhaps it’s her dad’s time right now. that’s all. Huge, big hugs and total understanding in the parental sense. ;) i hear you. mucho…..huge hugs. :)

  3. Wow that really is a lot of change all at once! I think I’d have to dip into my dog’s Xanax.

    Speaking of dogs, where will yours be going?

  4. I’m trying positive thinking & meditation. :) ha! Actually, I’m just pulling out my hair.

    The pups are staying with our trusted groomer/day care lady until we return from CA. Then, they’re traveling with us across the country in the Panzer. After we reach Bainbridge Island, WA, Georgie will stay on the “ranch” and Bear will travel to South America with me and Miss J. The government didn’t make it easy to plan the logistics of dog travel.

    My dad fell in love with Georgie when he was here last summer and she’s small enough so that she’s not going to cause too much of a commotion for him. I’m going to have a hard time leaving her because she’s a great dog.

    I’m not so good with the transition thing….it’s giving me heart palpitations. ;)

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