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Who’da Thunk It

Not me. Well, actually, I did “thunk” it but I’m not sure I’ve always believed it would happen for as long as it has happened. My marriage that is. Today is our 26th wedding anniversary. When I say I haven’t always believed it would last this long it’s because I’m being totally honest. Married life isn’t all butterflies and flowers. One can try of course but it doesn’t always work that way.

My younger brother and I have had this discussion a lot lately. Marriage takes work and there are days when I absolutely think, “I hate this man.” And I can safely say there are days when he hates me too. I know you’re thinking, “What a thing to say on your anniversary!” And my father would say, “Don’t say hate, it’s such a strong word, one that can not be taken back easily.” My reply is this, “I’m human.” I’m flawed.

Which is a point I’ve tried to make to my brother. He has had a vision of my marriage that, while not perfect, it’s certainly stable. I’ve had to remind him that mine hasn’t always been so stable and that there have been many times in which I’ve felt I couldn’t go on the way it was going. Marriage is a roller-coaster and sometimes, some people need to get off the ride. It’s a hard concept to embrace when your parents set the precedence. Our parents would have been married 51 years had my mother lived. But then, my mother was a very giving person, a loving one and she had an uncanny ability to make the best of a bad situation. From where I stood, she loved my father like no other, the good and the bad. Where I got stymied she would say, “Cut the crap, (well, actually, she wasn’t a crass person like me, she’d say something more refined) get over it and look at the big picture!” She didn’t bother with the petty minutia. She got the big picture. Me, not so much.

S gets the big picture. Where I’m combative, he’s logical. When I’m angry, he’s calm. Where I vote Democratic, he votes Republican. In other words, we balance one another. I didn’t always see it this way and it has taken me a long time to get to this level of acceptance. I’ve spent a lot of time inside my own head in the past few years. Time to reflect, time to understand this crazy wack of a man and our relationship. And I say that in a most loving way. He is wacky. But, that’s okay, I love his wackiness. I’ve come to emBRACE the wackiness so I’m “thunking”, this marriage is the” Giant Dipper” of marriages and I’ve always loved wild rides. I wanna go some more.

If I write any more it’ll slip into cheesiness so I’ll stop now. Enjoy the day my keiki…love to all. Be good. Be brave.

Now playing: Keola & Kapono Beamer – Lei Aloha, Lei Makamae
via FoxyTunes

p.s.  Ooh, I just read this over. Does it sound too Tom Cruise/Katie Holmesish?!  Maybe not, I’m not jumping on a couch or anything…


4 Responses

  1. Well said and not too Cruise/Holmesish. Happy Anniversary.

  2. Ah good. :) I wouldn’t want to be like TC right now. Or ever but, you know. The space cadet.

  3. The last bit made me smile. :) The rest? I recognized…ha! I was just having a chat about this subject yesterday with a pal and we were cracking up…since most long-term relationships ebb and flow…and, man, it’s hard to like them when it’s ebbing… :) Happy Anniversary! Here’s to 26 more!

  4. Thank you Miss Marilyn! Yes,especially when it’s ebbing. :)

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