What Would I Say…

…if I could I’d talk to my 17 year old self?

I was going through some of my older books trying to weed out the ones I know I’ll never read again when I came across a note I had stuck in between some pages of an old copy of To Kill a Mockingbird. It was a note from Maude, one that she had written during her math class at KHS. Cracked me up and made me think of my geeky self in 1978 as opposed to the sophisticate that I am now.

Pppfftt……..you know I’m kidding about the sophisticate thing right? Anyhoo….this is what I’d say to geek-girl:

1) Get the hell out of the sun! Goof ball. You’re going to have wrinkles that you’ll obsess about 30 years from now.

2) Sex IS great but not all guys are great at it so you really aren’t missing much right now by being the only virgin in school.

3) Talk to your mother, she really has a fun sense of humor and she’s wise beyond your silly teen comprehension. She loves you more than you think.

4) Joni Mitchell & James Taylor are as good now as they ever were. Dan Fogelberg doesn’t marry you and you lose interest in him after his jazzy “Twin Sons” stuff anyway. Unfortunately, you will say things like “TURN DOWN THAT MUSIC!” and “You call that music?!” to your kids and there are musical genres you’ll never understand like Ska & Rap. You do become your parents in this respect. Sorry.

5) Remember when your mother was angry with you and told you that you were going to have a daughter just like yourself someday? She was right. It’s uncanny how right she was. So chill, you’re a bit of a brat right now. (You’re gonna love Miss J though, more than you thought it ever possible to love someone. And the boy-child too. We’ll talk later about the boy-child, there’ll be issues)

6) The girls who walk around as though they’ve got it all under control are actually hiding behind a cute outfit and cuter boyfriends. They don’t have it under control….who does when you’re 17?! They just make it look easy. It’s a waste of time wishing you could be more like them. Really. That one girl you thought was the smartest, prettiest and the one who would make it big no matter what gets married and divorced, unhappily. Twice. Not a biggie but you know, everyone has their own issues to deal with. You aren’t the only one.

7) Mr. Murai is really a nice guy he just seems like a drag. Math sucks but Mr. Murai doesn’t. Pay attention in his class, you’re going to need math to calculate the tip for the exorbitantly expensive haircut/highlights you need these days.

8 Forget the beach, you really should concentrate on your education. Lil brother gets into Harvard and after that there’s no living with him. You’re going to owe him a magnum of champagne because he gets his masters degree before you. Do you want that on your head?! No. Put the Monoi Tiare away, crack open a text book and help yourself.

9) I know you know this but the guy you’re dating right now is too old for you and prom night? It sucks. Big time. So just relax & hit a movie in Waikiki…TONS more fun.

10) You may look younger than your years now but 30 years from now you won’t so I can’t emphasis this enough, put the damn zinc on your nose and cheeks. Who cares what you look like with it on, seriously. Hot lifeguards are overrated anyway…in the future there’ll be a stupid-ass show about them with an aging David Hasselhoff running around half-nekkid and you’ll be reminded how ridiculous you were in your drooling over them. Save yourself some trouble. Use the zinc.
Ah well, knowing 17 year olds like I do, I know I won’t listen to myself. I was always stubborn that way.

Aloha my keiki, be good, be brave….enjoy the day.

—————-
Listening to: Colbie Caillat – Older (Bonus Track)

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3 Responses

  1. “Snorting your coffee is really good for your sinuses, embrace the practice fully when reading certain blogs….”

    :) Happy Friday!

  2. Oh I embrace it…. but it hurts so I try to avoid it most of the time.

    Happy Friday to you too! :)

  3. ONE comment?! Are you kidding me?! THIS IS A GREAT POST!!! It makes me wanna write a letter to my 17-year-old self…if I could get past wanting to avoid making eye contact with her… ;)

    Seriously, this post fucking ROCKS.

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